Please check out my Portfolio Website.
You can leave comments for the stories here!
Thank you for the help!
Note: I was thinking of trying to do a love theme for the my portfolio page. My first story is about the love between the Lion and the Princess. If you have any suggestion for other love stories you liked please let me know so I can read them too. Then I can see if I can turn them into one of my portfolio stories.
Hi Ashley,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the color scheme on your portfolio! It looks so pretty! I also really like your homepage! I think putting each story and a small sneak peek there is a really good idea.
I thought your story was really original! Nice job! I especially enjoyed reading the author's note and seeing all the different elements in the story! I think what struck me the most is that you used an amber stone because amber is known for its calming properties! That's awesome!
One thing that I can think of to add to your story is how the parents felt in the end when the princess ran away. Did they ever accept the Lion into their family? Maybe amber could make that situation better? I also like how the lion didn't lose his teeth and claws in this version. I thought that was really sad in the original!
Hi Ashley! I love the little description you have under the home page of what I am about to read. The questions you included make me more curious and spur my interest to read the story. I absolutely love how you managed to make the story into a happy ending. I was really sad in the original story when the lion lost his teeth and claws but still ended up losing his love too. You did a great job of character development too because I felt torn when the lion made a deal with the mongoose to give up his teeth and claws in return for saving the princess. You could try adding dialogue to your story when the lion desperately seeks the mongoose for help or when the lion explains to the princess what happened to his teeth and claws. I think the dialogue would add more emotion to your story and help the readers understand the thoughts going through the lion’s head.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley! First of all I wanted to say that I love your blog theme! It is so girly and colorful! I also read the story you based yours off of, and I thought you did a really really good job! I loved how you kept the moral of the story the same but at the same time you were able to make it a little less tragic! I am glad to see that for once there is a happy ending and the king of the jungle was not made into a complete fool! I thought you did a really good job, and I am interested in what the lion was thinking when he agreed to this! Maybe you could discuss more about why the lion likes the princess so much besides that she listens to him and is pretty! He could have any animal in the kingdom so why her? Just some thought I have :)
ReplyDeleteSo, I appreciate the way that you paced your story by paragraphs. It's rather large, so it is helpful to have a rest every few sentences. Does it say in the project description that you have to name it "Portfolio" or can you theme it? Since "Portfolio" is so large, it mostly overpowers the page. When you are speaking of the Princess, perhaps you could use a less cliche line to speak of her enjoyment of the Lion. Instead of "light up" you could speak of her smile and the way her eyes follow his words. And the word love in your story will mean more to the reader if you use more descriptive words. "She" looked up to "his kindness for the other animals in the jungle". "She" was enthralled with "his knowledge of foreign countries...". The "priceless amber stone" is a nice touch. It adds for a touch of descriptiveness.
ReplyDeleteHey, Ashley, let me start by saying that I loved the direction you took with this story. It is nice to see the depth of character you created in both the lion and the princess. I also liked that you chose to give it a "happily ever after" type ending - sometimes we just want the couple to be happy! I only have a few notes, while the pacing of your story worked well I felt like it was lacking some description. Some description of the lion's majestic mane or something would just add more depth to his kingly character. Another thing I noticed was a lot of typos. I think just a little proofreading would do a lot of good. The story was fantastic but the typos were just a bit distracting at times. I also really enjoyed the layout and color scheme of your page, it is very aesthetically pleasing. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello! In your story "The Lion that Loved the Princess" I really enjoyed how you created a version in which the lion and the princess did actually fall in love and end up together. It was a nice change from the original story, where the girl did not want to be with him and he tore out his teeth and claws for nothing. I also appreciated your moral at the end of the story, it tied in perfectly!
ReplyDeleteIn the story, you stated that the lion had kindness to the other jungle animals, so I was wondering why the mongoose wanted the lions teeth and claws. Maybe he had held a grudge on the lion for some reason that motivated him to ask such a high price?
Also, you state that the lion gave the princess the amber stone, but as I was reading I was wondering what the treasure was and if there was any significance to it other than the value. What if right after the lion gave the princess the stone she went and hid the treasure so that it is very clear why she must go back to the village?
Great work on this story! I look forward to reading more.
Hi Ashley! Thank you for making it easy for us to get between your comment wall and your story. Some people do not have the links to their portfolio or storybook readily accessible. I really enjoyed this story! I liked how the lion was willing to give up being king for her love. It sort of reminded me of the lion king. Even though the story lines are not similar they both had similar characters.
ReplyDeleteI think it would have been a good idea to explain why the amber stone had so much significance to the mongoose!
I also would have liked to hear a little more about the lion and the princesses life after they were able to finally be together. It maybe cool to do another story on how her parents felt about her leaving.
Overall really good job! I enjoyed the storyline that you came up with. I am excited to read more of your stories.
Ashley, I like how you gave this story a happy ending compared to the original. One of the aspects of the story that caught my attention the most is the role of the amber. It was clever to include it in the beginning of the story and then have it play an important role at the end. It shows that you carefully planned out how you were going to utilize the amber for your retelling. I would say I am most curious as to why the Mongoose didn’t want the Lion to be the king of the jungle. What if you either changed the Mongoose’s request to something just as serious or explained why the Mongoose didn’t want him to be the king anymore? Also, I think it would be interesting if maybe you made the spy be someone that also loves the princess and is a main reason why her parents don’t like the Lion. Overall, I enjoyed this story and can clearly see the planning you put into it.
ReplyDeleteHey there Ashley. I enjoyed your rendition of the story. I particularly liked how you completely changed up the ending of the story. I personally don't like to end a story sad or bad so changing it up to be happy is a great change in my book. I also liked how you split everything up, making it easier for the reader to keep on track. I think perhaps you could have elaborated a little big more. Bringing more character to the characters. Maybe also since the ending was happy, discuss how the lion and princess were after they finally were together. Was it everything the Lion though it would be? Just thoughts I know length and time are always issues. In all I thought you did fantastic. I will definitely be looking forward to reading and giving feedback (not that you need it) on your future stories.
ReplyDeleteHey, Ashley. Your writing style is very close tot hat of the traditional style the stories we read in class take, and I love it. You do a great job of describing the situation in a concise way. I actually felt sad when the lion agreed to remove his teeth and claws, but understood why. So good job on that!
ReplyDeleteI have just a few grammar notes to speak of: In the second paragraph, you have the wrong form of there in the lion's quote, also the wrong form of desert as well. At the end of that paragraph, you wrote Egyptian when I think you meant Egypt. Also, at the end of the paragraph that starts with "As the princess tried to sneak" the last sentence reads, "The Princess duty was" If you meant to make that a possessive, it should be princess's. I have to be nit picky because there were few things I did not enjoy about this story. Great job!
Hey there, Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story! I think that you did a really great job incorporating so much imagery into the story. I also really liked the fact that you included many different elements from different stories that you have read. That is something that I have definitely wanted to try, but I have not been able to complete so far. I think that you possess a very fluid and engaging ability to tell stories. I did not notice any parts that did not flow. I think everything that you wrote added description and depth to the story. I was really excited by the ending! I was afraid that the lion was going to sacrifice his teeth and claws. I wonder what will happen to the lion and the princess? Is it a possibility that she turns into a lion as well? I think that would be so awesome. I am looking forward to your next story!
Hi Ashley! I really like the twist that you added to your second story. I really love how you took into account that in relationships it is important to communicate and hear everyones side of the story. Although I think it would have been interesting for the bird to have to somehow "pay off" his transgressions instead of being imprisoned since the wife was able to be forgiven so should the parrot. Again great job with your wording and visual imagery through out the story.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley! I love the first story in your storybook. I read on to the second story as well and you indeed have a knack for the romance genre. I like that the princess was not intimidate by the lion and what the lion does in order to save his beloved is really touching. It is very clever of you to have the princess trade of the amber stone with the mongoose so the lion does not loose his teeth and claws! There are somethings that I am curious about. How did the lion travel to another places? Like where is this story take place? And how did he knows he needs to save the princess and that she is in trouble? Nonetheless, these questions does not really affect your story as a whole, but I am just a bit curious. Overall, I really enjoy reading your story and can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley, I previously read your home page and first lion story. I really enjoyed reading them and was looking forward to reading more of your stories so I decided to follow up on your portfolio. Since I read your first story previously and left comments, I’ll just comment on your second story for this one. First off, I like your description of the story on your homepage, it give a nice little intro what we are about to read. Your page is also really organized and easy to navigate from one page to the next. I previously read your story as one of my reading options and I hated the ending too! I am so glad that you changed the ending to a more fair and just fate. I like your story so much more than the original, I remember being really mad after reading the original story. You did such a wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley!
ReplyDeleteSo fun that your theme is love and your whole project and blog are in bright sweet colors! Love that! I loved that you gave synopsis of each of your stories on the home page because it made it way easier for me to decide which one I wanted to read - although I'm sure both are great! Your writing style is awesome so keep up the great work there! I loved also that you changed your story to have a happy ending! I only wish we could have a little more background for the story of The Lion and the Princess - I'm still left with a lot of questions and it would have been great to get to hear more about how she explained her leaving and what their life is like. Other than that great work!!
Hey Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI read your first story, "The Lion that Loved the Princess" and it was very well written! Your writing style is very fluid and everything seemed like it was going at a steady pace to keep a readers attention, it certainly kept mine. The dialogue was also very well used in order to speed up the growth between the two characters. The Story also had a nice twist when the princess was captured and forbade from being with the lion. I liked how the lion persisted and got the mongoose to rescue her.
I also liked how your story had a clear moral at the end and you even went ahead to state it. I really think you did a great job on this story. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI read your last story "Finding the Perfect Turkey" and was very entertained by what you had written. I liked the dialogue that you have (something I need to improve on) and hope you keep that up in your next stories. There were some typos that I noticed in the story (for example, "every yeat" in the second paragraph and the first sentence doesn't quite make sense (maybe rewrite it to say ..people of the town of Matsaki... getting rid of the commas). Otherwise it was a delightful story and although I hadn't come across your portfolio before, I look forward to finding it again.
Hi Ashley! I really loved the lion and princess story — your ending was much more satisfying than the original. In that one, I think it might be helpful to separate the characters' dialogue from the main text into their own paragraphs. Also, the parrot story was really wonderful. That was a completely unexpected twist at the end and your slow reveal was great — your storytelling was super creative and I love how you used your major to really think through the ending you wanted. With the turkey story, I loved the characters you created and the names you gave them, as well as the ending, which is so much sweeter your way. I think really the main thing I saw were some spelling and punctuation errors, which could be easily fixed (like "All of the grime disappeared from her body and her hard was freshly washed"). Otherwise, all your stories are lovely!!
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through your portfolio! The colors are so nice, and it's a great idea to give an introduction to each story on the home page. I noticed that you changed each of your stories to make them your own, and I think your endings are satisfying and creative. It shows that you really thought critically about the original stories while you read them, which is great. My favorite story was the third, "Finding the Perfect Turkey." I loved the description of Sunita (and what a great name to give her!). She was an easy character to root for, and she reminded me of Cinderella! I am so glad that you didn't leave her all alone, but didn't give us a cliche happy ending either. Her turning into a turkey surprised me, and it showed her commitment to Lusio. Also, I like that you've included so much dialogue! It makes for a lively story and gives each character a voice. I wish I had more "feedforward" for you, but I found every aspect of your story so satisfying that I don't have many ideas for changing it. I suppose that if you're still looking to add something, you could draw out Sunita's transition into a turkey, describing what it looked and felt like, since it's a pretty big plot twist! Truly great job. Your stories are a joy to read.
Hi Ashley, it is so nice to meet ya!
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio really just pops! It's one of the few that I have seen this semester, and I really like your layout. The photos you have used really give us as the readers a good image in our heads as we act out the stories as we read them. One thing I noticed was how you developed your characters, and the actions they perform. I think your grammar is good for the most part, but it is also vivid. For me, the more information, details, descriptions, etc. the better.
I also will comment on the happy ending you made, I do appreciate you for that!! Haha. I am not the biggest fan of bad endings, as it almost ruins everything I just read. I feel like us as authors can find a way to make the endings of stories work out, even if everything does not go right in the stories. Happy Writing!
Hi Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI did not know what to expect when I read your title, "Finding the Perfect Turkey", but I was immediately impressed. You provided your audience with great background to your character, and why she hung out with turkeys. Your description of Sunita was excellent! I could picture how she looked. Your plot kind of reminded me of Cinderella with the oldest turkey being her fairy godmother and the other turkeys being the mice that helped her get ready. It was a wonderful story, and I am so glad you changed it to a happy ending!
You did leave me wanting to know more! Did Sunita and Lusio end up together? Did he love her like Sunita loved him? Such a mystery!
Hi there, Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI really love the set up of your website for your portfolio. You managed to make the portfolio come together by using all animals in your stories which I found to be cool. I also like that you just used the animal name at the page title but, when I clicked on the page title, there was a different title for the whole story on the page. It makes your page look very neat.
I read your story titled Buying Love for an Elephant. I love the overall theme of this story as it seems to reign true for many in our society. With the easy access to everything, I have several friends that seem to attempt tirelessly to find happiness in them while others realize there is happiness in other places that are irreplaceable. You did a great job of building up the family to the elephant and the sadness he felt without their presence.
Keep up the great work! Your story was great!
Hello again, Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to get to read the new stories that you have added to your portfolio. I remember really enjoying your first story, The Lion that Loved the Princess, and I was happy to see that you chose more stories about love.
In your story, Parrot, I loved the changes you made and I agree that the wife deserved an opportunity to tell her side of the story. One thing that I did wonder while reading the story is what the Parrot has against Khojisteh. Although the parrot helped her remain faithful, I was curious on why he despised her enough to let her get killed even though she did not commit adultery. Maybe the parrot was angry that Miemun did not take him with him on his travels, or was jealous that every time Miemun came back he gave all of his attention to his wife.
Anyways, once again great work!
Hi Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed all of your stories. I like how your portfolio is easy to navigate to read all of the stories. My favorite stories were the ones about the lion and the turkey. I like how in the story about the lion you changed the plot so that they could be together with a sacrifice of the amber, and the lion was able to keep his teeth. I hadn't read the original story before, but after reading the author's note I liked your version better.
In the story about the turkey, I like that you changed the sad ending to a happy ending. It was definitely unexpected that Sunita turned into a turkey. I can tell you did extra research by choosing names from the Zuni tribe for your characters. Your portfolio is great so far and I'm glad I got to see it all put together towards the end of the semester. Great job!
Ashley, I enjoy the organized simplicity of your portfolio layout. I wish that you had included more pictures, especially on the home page. I read the original story for the first three stories. In the original lion story, I was very sad that he was taken advantage of. I liked your version much better! I like that, in the parrot story, you summarized the entire unit instead of one of the parrot’s stories. I was confused, however, why the parrot would have stopped the wife from cheating if he was trying to show that she was a bad wife. Perhaps you could have the perpetrator be the husband or another jealous woman in the kingdom who wanted the wife out of the way and the king to herself? Like maybe a woman in the kingdom sent out false invitations to the palace. Just a thought! I love how you gave the turkey story a happy ending. I hated how the girl just “forgot” about her promise after all the turkeys did for her. This was a great end since the turkeys were friendlier to her than anyone else ever was. I really liked the elephant story as well, but don’t have any comments or recommendations. Nice job with all of these!
ReplyDeleteHey Ashley, I really enjoyed all of your stories. Your profile makes it easy to navigate and your stories are very easy to read. My favorite story is the lion who loved the princess. I like that you changed the ending and let the lion keep his teeth. I definitely liked that ending much better than the original stories ending. I liked that you changed a lot of your endings from sad endings to happy endings. I like that you used names from the Zuni tribe for your characters, it added an extra bit of personal touch to your stories. The color scheme on your portfolio is really well done. I really like all the pictures you used in your stories as well.
ReplyDeleteHey there again, Ashley!
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time around reading your portfolio stories. I am glad that I was able to come back and get a final read through of what you have been working on the past few weeks. I really liked what you wrote for the Turkey story. It definitely had the Cinderella vibes to it, but it was also very unique and had its own ending. I was definitely a bit sad when I was reading about the circumstances of the girl. She worked so hard and had such a kind heart. It was nice to see that the turkeys were willing to let her live life how she wanted to for one night. I was worried that at the end the turkeys would no longer respond to her. It was very cool to see Lusio be introduced as a love interest. I did not expect the girl to turn into a turkey at the end. That was a fantastic way to close the story! You did a very good job with this one.